It went like this, honest!

OK, here’s where we get to have some fun and tell it like it wasn’t.  On every trip, there are always a few things that happen that you just simply would not believe.  Whether you do or not is strictly up to you.

Message in a Bottle

While walking along the beach on Elbow Cay near the Abaco Inn, we discovered a message in a bottle washed up on the beach.  Intrigued by this discovery, we could not resist the urge to open it.  We needed the mental stimulation.

Once we finally got over the disappointment that it did not contain winning lottery tickets, we began to look closely at what we had.  Essentially, it was a piece of paper with a logo hand-drawn on one side, and an address on the other.  The logo was that of the Tall Ships 2000 Worldwide Tour (see http://www.tallships2000.bm for information on one of the segments).  Our collective intelligence, now approaching Einsteinian levels,  concluded that somebody from one of the ships must have been the originator.

The name and address was somewhat more intriguing.  Barely visible, I was able to recognize that it was written using the Cyrillic (Russian) alphabet, and the word “Russia” (Россия) was just visible on the bottom line.  Since I have access to a forensics lab and a Russian co-worker back at work, I decided to research it further on my return.

Once the lettering had been restored to visible, my Russian co-worker was able to make out a name and address of the originator, in both Russian and English.  The words “Archangel Maritime College” and “Address” appeared in English at the top, however, most of the the English letters were too faded to interpret.

The next part was in Russian and not a problem.  A Russian postal code (163061) and the name of the city of Arkhangel’sk (Архангельск) was on the first line.  An address (Навережная Северной Двины 111) was next.  Translated, it means “111 Northern Embankment of the Dvina,” which is a road along the northern embankment of the Dvina River that flows through the city.  Below that was a partial surname “???neykin” (???нейкину) followed by the first name “Vladimir” (Владимиру).  We could not make out the first three letters of the surname.  Finally,  “3 Рома”, which means 3rd Company, and then the word “Russia” (Россия).

Using the Internet, we were able to go online and discover exactly where this Vladimir lived.  We are certain that he was a cadet attending Arkhangel’sk Maritime College located on the boulevard at 111 Northern Bank of the Dvina in the city of Arkhangel’sk, on the White Sea in northern Russia.  Essentially he attended a school for training merchant marine.  He was in 3rd Company, probably on an assignment during the summer of 2000 on one of the two Russian Tall Ships, the Mir or the Kruzenshtern.  Using the Internet, I plan to investigate further, and possibly locate Vladimir, telling him how we came upon his message.  It’s a small world and the miracle of the Internet has made it much easier to get in touch with people.

The “Mother of all Travelers”

Sunday afternoons in the Abacos are often spent at the Pig Roast put on by Nippers Beach Bar & Grill on Great Guana Cay.  Since Barometer Bob put the fear of God into everybody by announcing the upcoming arrival of another cold front, there was a whole raft of us welded safely to the dock at Sea Spray in White Sound.  We joined our neighbors from the boat Kellie - Ed and Barbara Pierce, their daughter Michele and her boyfriend Josh - on a private water taxi to Great Guana through Albury’s Ferry Service.  After an interesting but bumpy ride, we entered the Gates of Hell, primed for a wild time at Nippers.  The plan was to have the taxi meet us at the dock at 4:00 PM.

Following a great afternoon in the sun, we topped up our beverages (“travelers”) and headed back to the dock.  The taxi operator never believed for a moment that we would actually be on time, so he planned to be a little late.  This miscommunication started a chain reaction of events that will be talked about for years to come.  Or maybe not.

The late arrival of the water taxi resulted in us finishing our beverages before stepping aboard.  Our “travelers” had expired and this was considered critical.  Some started to panic.  Now Ed, a very resourceful fellow who has been around the block at least once, decided that prompt action was necessary.  His daughter Michelle, a recent graduate of University, a former bartender and at the tender age of twenty, knows absolutely everything, declared that “nothing could be done.”  I assured her, “Michelle, we may appear old, senile, and over the hill, but stand back and watch.  You are about to learn something from some serious professionals.”

With that, Ed jumped aboard the other Albury Ferry that was tied up, the Donnie X, and commandeered the VHF radio.  He radioed Nippers Bar with an “emergency order” - a gallon of their famous Nippers Punch.  I should point out that the Alburys are devoutly religious folk who purposely live on the only “dry” island in the area.  I wonder what Marcel Albury would think if he knew his assets were being used to order alcohol on a Sunday.

A few minutes later, a gentleman arrived in a golf cart with our gallon of punch and a bag of ice.  We hopped aboard our water taxi and proceeded back to White Sound with the “Mother of all Travelers.”  You would have to refer to the police reports for the details of what happened after that.

Highlander on the Hard

A few days after posting Part 1 of Ted’s Excellent Adventure, I received an e-mail from Grandma Rosalie, a name I recognized from her many informative posts on the rec.boats.cruising Newsgroup.  I didn’t even know she read my material.

Apparently, she happened to be at a boatyard in North Carolina in November 2001 the same day that Highlander was hauled to complete a repair, happened to snap a photograph, then later happened to put two and two together.  The note read:

Hey - were you guys on the catamaran THE HIGHLANDER with the dinghy HAGGIS that was being launched at Robb’s in Belhaven at the beginning of November?? (around Nov 5th).  I’ve got some pictures of the boat being launched. 

Grandma Rosalie

Here is one of the photos:

Photo by Rosalie Beasley

I retrieved the original e-mail Ted had sent in November describing the incident:

Minor disaster. On Mon in Alligator River Canal going south, a large fast barge going north moving north created large waves. Our starboard rudder crashed down on a deadhead bending it back & up into the hull. We had to lower the rudder post to clear it from the hull then proceeded to Robbs Boatyard in Belhaven,NC. They have a travel lift wide enough to lift Highlander. The result showed a wrecked rudder & a substantial hole in the hull, fortunately in a watertight section. We will get a replacement rudder from PDQ tomorrow & the glasswork should be completed by Sunday. We have lost a week & I feel older, wiser & a lot poorer. Cheers, Ted.

The world is getting smaller every day.  We just can’t go anywhere these days.

World’s Smallest Dinghy

As author of this story, I simply cannot let it finish without taking a swipe at Ted’s micro-dinghy, aptly named Haggis, except that a real haggis is actually larger. Without question, this is the smallest dink ever made.  Judge for yourself.

Each day, Ted would shoehorn Gord, myself, and some cargo into this tiny craft and try to get to where we were going.  We were practically sitting on each other’s lap while under way.  We even had to take turns breathing because the dinghy was narrow and unstable, and we risked falling in if two of us inhaled at the same time.

On a more positive note, instead of hoisting it up on davits at the end of the day, Ted could tuck it in under his pillow.  We never had to worry about it being stolen - Ted simply dropped it into his pocket instead of locking it to the dock.  We cling to the hope that someday Ted will own a real dinghy.

NEWSFLASH - Ian Gow Successfully Lands World’s First Quad

While Elvis Stojko is known worldwide as the first to successfully land the quad on ice, Ian Gow will be equally famous for being the first to land it in water.  Let me explain.

It just so happens that a fellow member of my home yacht club, Ian Gow, was also in the area staying on another club member’s boat, docked at Harbour View Marina in Marsh Harbor.  I have known Ian for many years, and his ability to consume alcohol has never been called into question.  He is a real team player in this department.

Ted, Gord and I invited him to join us for Silly Hour at Sapodilly’s, where the bartender free-poured gallons of Rummers while stories flowed freely.  After dinner, we invited Ian back to Highlander where we continued to free-pour Rummers.

Ian had taken his own dinghy so he could return ashore.  When it came time to leave, he promptly stepped down the port pontoon and straight into the water, missing his dinghy by a whole five feet.  It wasn’t even close.  That was the “first rotation” of his world-famous quad.

He briskly emerged from the chilly waters and explained to us all that this happens every time he has rum.  It was simply not his fault.  He can consume tanker-trucks of beer without incident, it was just the rum he had a problem with.

I decided to accompany him in the dinghy back to the dock to make certain his aquatic day was over.  Halfway back to the dock, Ian simply rolled over on his back like a turtle, and into the water he went.  The situation had become critical as his feet were still in the dinghy, his head and torso submerged.  I had to push him overboard to clear this problem.  It took all my effort to pull him aboard.

With the “second rotation” successfully landed, I had to paddle the remaining distance to the dock because the fall had knocked the safety out of the outboard, and in the dark, I could not see where it connected.  There was only one paddle, so after a few 360’s, we made it to the stern of his boat.  I dismissed Ian’s suggestion that he needed to run me back to my boat.  After all, the sole purpose of my presence was to drive him back.  What was this man thinking?

Before I even had a chance to size up how I would get him into his boat, he completed his “third rotation” and fell in again.  This time, he was under for a good long time.  I reached down into the black water to find him, only to return with nothing.  A half a minute later, he surfaced.  I was really not prepared to deal with a drowning at that hour.  I had left a freshly poured beverage back on Highlander.

On his final attempt to scale the swim platform of his boat, Ian made his way into the record books by completing his “fourth rotation,” falling in one final time.  I hauled him aboard once more, pushed him up into the cockpit, and left him lying on his back like a turtle.

Next morning, I passed by the boat to check on him.  His clothes were draped all over the wheel, which was a good sign.  I looked below to see his money and smokes laid out on the dining table, drying.

Until The Next Visit

Without question, being a part of Ted’s Excellent Adventure was an experience of a lifetime, except that I hope to do it again.  The Abacos are a great place to hang out for long periods of time.  Long periods.  Being back at work, I look to the following dictionary definition to sustain me:

work (wûrk) — n., A trade, profession, or other means of livelihood strictly for the purposes of financing as much time as possible in the Caribbean sipping Rummers and soaking up rays.

I never forget this.

* * *