Expanding Operations

Part of the boat ownership experience allows you to invite a variety of friends down to share that experience.  Up until this point, I had only traveled with the usual suspects, The Usual Suspects.  It was now time to expand operations, so I invited a new batch of Suspects.  I chose two couples I had known for many years yacht racing at our club; Dave Holmes and Julie Hughes, as well as Jeff Long and Silvia Presenza.  I thought the couple thing would add a nice balance and be a welcome change.  I’m glad I did, because the trip was absolutely glorious.

Dave Holmes

Julie Hughes

Jeff Long

Silvia Presenza

Preparations

The sum of my involvement in preparing previous trips has been to secretly book the boat, airlines, then tell everybody they owed me money.  That was it.  Once they were tricked into going, the other Suspects did the rest.  I just showed up, and somehow, there was food and rum in the pantry.  I didn’t ask, but I was pretty sure these items were not part of the inventory when I purchased the boat.

This trip was different.  None of the new crew had been down before.  There was no Tiny, Round Man, or Gord.  I was on my own and it was my job to figure it all out.  This was a new experience for me, and I didn’t like it one bit.  I shuddered at the thought of preparing a provisioning list, actually going into a supermarket, pulling items off a shelf, placing them in a cart, and then paying for them.  I was not trained for this.  Panic set in.

I pumped Tiny and Round Man for information.  It was clear that all planning had to be done before the trip, as my brain (and motivation) would turn to mush once down there and I would probably not even have enough sense to feed myself.  They recommended that we bring the expensive processed foods with us from Toronto, as these items are real expensive in the Caribbean, and buy the rest once we arrived.  Additional items could be picked up at strategic points along the way.

Great, I thought, but what do we buy!?!  I really was a basket case.  I briefly considered paying for a second boat and putting Tiny, Roundie, and Gord aboard, just to handle these essentials.  Under the direction of Round Man, I prepared a shopping list and circulated it to the new crew for feedback.  In a few days, we had a list tailored to our needs.  It was now only a matter of sorting out which store and when we would purchase each item.  Simple enough.

Anticipating a degraded mental state once on vacation, I had to make the purchasing process simple.  I put the “Shopping List for Dummies” concept to work and printed a shopping list for each provisioning stop on a separate piece of paper.  I put each list in a separate envelope and marked “Open on February X” on the outside.  Once down there, I would open the appropriate envelope on the appropriate day, and do what I was told.  I just had to remember to bring a calendar.

Chart Briefing Night

Several weeks before we were scheduled to leave, I suggested that we all get together at my place, pig out on lobsters, drink way too many Rummers, and plan our trip.  There were a number of important items to go over – expectations, the proposed schedule, personal preferences, financial considerations, provisioning, and assigned duties on the boat.  I suspected that, in all the excitement, we would be subject to numerous distractions that would result in us not covering all the important details.  I carefully crafted a 10-point agenda, just to make sure that we did not get off topic, and sent it to everybody in advance.  As added insurance, I handed out a copy once we were all together.

Well, after two hours, we had only covered the first item on the agenda – “pack light.”  Each time I started, one of the newly recruited Suspects would divert the team into one heavily embellished story or another.  It was at this moment that I realized I had chosen the right crew.

During the briefing, I was becoming concerned with the number of times I heard the words “I’ll bring this,” or “I’ll remember to bring that”.  I kept a mental tally on our growing cargo.  After about an hour, I calculated that we would need our own 747 to get us there.  At several points, I stepped in and reminded everybody to pack light, rationalize and consolidate each item to avoid five people bringing some useless item and nobody remembering to bring the important ones.  Right.

Provisioning Chaos

The day finally came when we went to the grocery store to purchase the items we were flying down.  I expected one, maybe two persons, to complete this mission.  Instead, EVERYBODY showed up.  I could see it now, an entire caravan of shopping carts, overflowing to the brim.  How would we get it all into a single duffel bag?  I called the airline and ordered a second 747.

The Mother of all Duffel Bags

Departure day finally arrived.  We had somehow managed to complete every detail associated with preparation.  It was all done, and we were now officially on vacation.  

We all met at the airport.  Once there, I stared in horror at Dave and Julie’s luggage – a 7-foot duffel bag!  This impressive monster was capable of seating 12, and was laid out with both Economy and Business Class sections.  A family from East Asia resided in the lower floor.  NHL goalies required only half this amount of space for all their equipment.  The Everest Expedition used the next smaller model.  Dave and Julie were now trying to convince the airline agent that this was carry-on luggage.

It took four baggage handlers to move the bag to the belt.  I was certain that Air Canada was going to try to put the plane IN the bag, and not vice-versa.  Later, we observed a 30-ton crane on the tarmac facilitating its loading onto the plane.   When questioned over this, Dave and Julie stated that they were uncomfortable leaving their new home unattended, so they brought it with them.

Pack light.  Right.

The Wonder Of It All

We got into vacation mode immediately on the plane, thanks to the rum-spiked coffee that resulted from a strategically positioned flask in my carry-on bag.  The trip down was relatively entertaining, and quite stress-free, despite the fact that the plane was listing a few degrees to starboard as a result of Dave and Julie’s luggage.  We were en-route to the Caribbean and most people we knew weren’t.  That’s half the joy of flying down there.

Once we arrived at Barefoot Yacht Charters, we successfully held off a full frontal assault from the St. Vincent Department of Defense.  Canadian Security and Intelligence Services operatives briefed us on the status of their most lethal weapon, the rum punch, administered by the Minister of Defense and bartender at Barefoot, Utan Snagg.  The advance warning enabled us all to stay in the full upright position for most of the evening, and avoid falling face first into the water later, which has been the fate of so many before us.

The weather was perfect.  The water was crystal clear and warm.  The scenery was breathtaking.  The beer was ice-cold.  There is no way that I can describe the feeling of being surrounded by all this beauty, away from the stresses of daily existence back home.

For the first few days, an endless series of “ooohhs” and “aaaahs” could be heard from everybody on board, in approval of each new surrounding.   For somebody who has never gone bareboat chartering, the experience of lounging around on the swim platform all afternoon with a cold beverage and no agenda is serious therapy for those suffering from work-related stress.  The new Suspects were reacting as they should.  They were in paradise.

Decompression

The crew was composed of various professionals who have difficult and stressful careers back in Toronto.  I mentally tried to guess how long it would take each of them to really let go and relax.  The cruising environment is really perfect for that, because there are so few reminders of life back home.  There are no telephones, TV, newspapers, traffic, smog, nothing.

Jeff is a partner in a major Toronto Law Firm and a very focused individual.  For the first week, he wanted to be involved in every aspect of the trip - where are we going, what are we doing, how long will it take to get there, how can we get there faster?  I’ve been on these trips many times and recognized the symptoms of work-related stress.   He would come around.  The only question was when.   I set up a betting pool where we had to pick the day that would happen. 

Sure enough, it occurred on day nine when we rolled into Salt Whistle Bay for the second time and dropped the hook.  It was one of the most perfect mornings I’ve ever experienced in the Caribbean.  My breakfast Rummer was just beginning to kick in.

Jeff grabbed a few cushions and set up camp on the foredeck.  Ten minutes later, I heard this loud “aaaahhhh, this is so perfect” coming from him.  His body crumpled into a lifeless mass.  I could almost hear the hissing sound as he experienced what I call “rapid decompression.”  He was not finishing any of his sentences, and for the first time in his life, he was not making any sense at all.  He had finally decompressed and I collected $1.82 from the betting pool.

I was concerned that he might take a liking to this lifestyle a little too much.  Had we ruined him?  I wondered how he would function as a ruthless lawyer when he returned.  Would he be able to successfully represent his clients?  Would they sue me?

Old Pros

It took very little time for the new Suspects to become familiar with the routine, if we can call it that.  There were no real marching orders and certainly no mandatory schedule of activities.  It would just become obvious that something needed to be done, and it would happen with lightning efficiency and without any discussion.  Hot breakfast leapt from the pan onto our plates. Dished magically cleaned themselves.  The outboard motor found its way on and off the boat.  The anchor seemed to always end up on the bottom of another great harbor.

For the first few days, some of the new Suspects had a little difficulty sleeping.  They were unfamiliar with the incessant rolling of the boat.  Gusts of wind would cause the boat to shudder and swing on its hook.  I stopped noticing this several years ago, but then again, this problem had always been managed by our friends at the Mt. Gay Rum Distillery.  After about a week, nobody mentioned the roll of the boat any more.  Strangely enough, they found a way to overcome the problem by sleeping sideways in their cabins.  I continued to allow my head to bang against the wall of my cabin with every roll of the boat.  Perhaps I needed a hockey helmet.

I have to confess that we had the sails up on numerous occasions, against my better judgment.  I had a reputation to protect, but caved after being pressured by unnamed members of the crew.  They had the audacity to insist we tack the boat, and tack we did, at least once, as we were on a collision course with a reef.  These ingrates hid the key to the diesel.

Lumberjack Conference

Dave and Julie own a boat known as a Thunderbird.  Jeff has sailed extensively on them.  These boats were designed several decades ago by the forest products industry, in an effort to increase sales in wood products.  They were originally constructed out of plywood, and their peculiar design reflects that.  Because of the limitations of the construction materials, curved surfaces on this boat are not in abundance.   There are a fair number of these craft in Toronto and the west coast, and they are competitively sailed in various one-design fleets.

In my opinion (and I want to stress that it is my opinion), these are not the prettiest vessels on the water.  The sharp edges resulting from fitting sheets of plywood together has created a rather boxy looking hull.   Packing crates have a sleeker look to them.  There is no way to tell the difference between a family sitting at a picnic table and the family out for a sail on a Thunderbird.

Raw materials tower over the finished product
at a Thunderbird manufacturing plant

I affectionately refer to these boats as “logs”, and their sailors “Lumberjacks”.  Dave even takes this moniker to a new level with his wardrobe of plaid shirts and rubber boots.  Over the years, I have amassed a rather large repertoire of Thunderbird jokes - in fact, I am famous for them. (“What do you call eight Thunderbirds at a mark rounding?  -  log jam”.  “How do you make a Thunderbird point – with a pencil sharpener.”  How do you tell the age of a Thunderbird – count the rings.”  What tool do you use to fair the keel? – a chainsaw.”)

So here I am, the chief perpetrator of the Thunderbird joke, in the Caribbean on my own boat with three Lumberjacks.  Ironic isn’t it.  But wait, it gets better.

On the second-last day in Bequia, I was down below grating fresh German nutmeg on my 5 PM Rummer when I heard a knock on the hull.  I stuck my head out to have a look, and to my surprise (and horror), it was Nick Bailey and Wendy Loat from our Yacht Club – avid Thunderbird racers.  Wendy is President of the Intergalactic Thunderbird Class Association (www.logplus.com), and as such, is the Lead Lumberjack, the “Douglas Fir” of T-Birders.  I was unaware that they had joined another couple from our club, Don and Mary McNeil, who were already on an extended Caribbean cruise on their brand new Hallberg-Rassy 42.  We were now all anchored in the same harbor.

The irony intensified, as I now had no less than five (5) Lumberjacks sitting in the cockpit of MY boat, exchanging stories.  These numbers constituted a quorum at a Lumberjack Conference.  The evidence was caught on film below.  Of course I used the opportunity to float a few new log jokes, and got away with it.  I had a captive audience and ownership does have its privileges.

Quorum of Lumberjacks on MY boat!

Tribal Council

Before the trip, I wondered how the dynamics of two couples would play out over 13 days.  Five people in relatively cramped quarters, sharing common space, has the potential to turn sour.  It has been my experience that people need their space, and even the most well-intentioned people get cranky after a week or so.  They want their Teddy Bear.

There are a few facts that come into play that people who go on these trips may not fully realize, or realize the importance of.  During the entire duration, no one has total control over their destiny.  One person may want to do something, but may not be able to because the overall plan is different.  It’s important to remind everybody that this situation is the same for everybody, not just YOU.

We had discussed this point several times before going down, and it paid off.  We all got long very well for the entire duration of the trip.  Not once did anyone have an off-day that resulted in the trip being spoiled.  Their company was very much enjoyed, at all times.

I am convinced now that a more enjoyable and relaxed trip is achieved with couples.  First, there are more people on the boat so there is mathematically less chance of becoming bored with each other.  Second, people generally behave themselves better in a mixed environment.  Third, couples want to be alone together, meaning that it is possible to go off and do your own thing.  For several days, while Dave, Julie, and I were off in town, Jeff and Silvia had “their own boat”.  It was perfect for everybody.

There is no question that this was the best trip ever.  I particularly enjoyed witnessing the reaction of the new Suspects to some new experience or a new anchorage.  There is nothing more rewarding than sharing a great experience with friends who have the same appreciation of it.  For me, that was the most satisfying part of the trip.  I look forward to doing it again soon.

Best of all, no one was voted off the boat.

Tribal Council, exactly as I remember it